"Success is not measured by what you accomplish, but by the opposition you have encountered, and the courage with which you have maintained the struggle against overwhelming odds." - Orison Swett Marden

Saturday, April 26, 2014

I Have A Face... I'm Human! Acknowledge & Honor My Rights!

Beyond a superficiality, I am not able to connect with people. This is due to the contrast of my life by comparison to theirs. To begin to understand, one would have to truly be a humanitarian, and be moderately aware of the state of ill-health that permeates our world.
I have not had the good fortune, in significant relationships, of having healthy people, able to be helpful and contributory, in my life. My story is so sad and tragic, that to share it is to impose a burden. Unless of course I'm connecting with another, who like myself believes the responsibility for the change needed in this world starts within. ...To speak it is not to live it.
Next, my trust has been so profusely violated -I'm almost incapacitated to reach out. I suffer -in an environment where little will change, without help. Rare is the person/s, the circumstance/s I can trust for this help or change. But I can not survive without it.
There is so scarcely hope I debate if causing my death isn't how I must proceed. Understand though, that LIVING is what has been taken from me. Existing has become the totality of my experience in this world.

Friday, March 14, 2014

Understanding the OCPD in My Life

I think I understand now. Well at least I understand so much more, I understand better. At the time I wrote the post Get It Together, Keep It Together, Reach for Success, I wasn't far enough along that I had learned I was diagnosed with OCPD (Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder). Now I'm not one for labels and the generalities that accompany them. But this type of label seeks to comprise a host of cognitive and behavioral descriptors manifesting as the disorder. From there simple observation reveals the obvious. The purpose in recognizing the label or disorder is to address the thinking errors, like cognitive rigidity, that cause maladaptive behavior. It's when behavior works against you in life and relationships that making adjustment and change seeks to improve it - make it workable.

One of the distinguishing differences from OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) and OCPD is that the personality disordered individuals will site their behaviors as positive aspects to them, which they find desirable. The obsessive - compulsive individuals find their symptoms an affliction, often creating much pain. I, however, do experience afflictions as well. When I absolutely cannot function, as a result of being unable to set up order or having order within and around me, it becomes a disability.

The affliction is that I need order to get order / orderly arrangement, without the order I'm non-functioning. It's very grieving. Interestingly, with the order in place, I am highly functioning, able to accomplish achievement which comes from the reward of serious discipline.

The above pictures are from the Body For Life Challenge I entered in 2004. This is a 12 week program of weight training and 'clean', or healthy eating. In the 'Before' pic I was a size 16, weighing around 190 lbs. (I am 5' 7".) In the 'After' photo, I was a size 7, weighing around 140 lbs. at 12 % body fat. I continued training and went to almost a size 5, weighing around 130+ lbs. I maintained a workout and healthy eating regimen up until the Fall of 2007, at which point my life took a hit like no other. This achievement clearly observed in the above photos represents how functionally I can operate with order in my life.